Monday, July 2, 2012

Mickey's Blog - Amazon 5000 Expedition - Down the Eastern Andes and a Bear Mace Story

Down the Eastern Andes to the Tropical Orient!

7-2-2012:  Today we continued on through the foothills of the Sumaco Volcano, we have finally passed it after working so hard to get here these last weeks.  The weather is getting a little warmer but it is still impossible for us to communicate with the outside world due to the dense canopy.  The canopy is still too thick for our satellite communication devices to penetrate.  The rain here is still constant and now it is much stronger!  It ranges from a light rain to a very heavy downpour!  We are all still soaked to the bone, and unable to make fire.  Today I have encountered fairly interesting specie, a native to the Rain-forest.  I found a giant earthworm.  This one was about 4 ft long but they reach up to 8ft.  It was huge! and surprisingly fast moving one.  We continued on through the eastern slopes of the eastern Andes, up and down hills, slipping in the mud.  I am very excited to get to the tropical jungle where I don’t have to deal with these mountains any longer. (Sigh)

  

A BEAR MACE story - or, the most powerful pepper spray in the world:

7-3-2012:  What an interesting day!  I witnessed some of the most extreme stupidity and pain that I have ever seen, and yes, you guessed it!  It was brought to us by none other than Matt Saxman. 

But first let me tell you it is getting warmer and warmer every day.  We also are hearing much more animals now. Last night was a nice one. It is nice to hear the sounds of the night creatures rather than endless silence we’ve experienced on the high mountain ridges.  We woke up at about 05:00 and were off.  We continued to hack our way through dense vegetation, up and down over mountains and through valleys.  We have been coming across several rivers and small waterfalls.  They are still rushing rivers and rapids, and quite a challenge to cross. 

I was walking along hacking my way through this dense vegetation when all of a sudden one of the indigenous ran up to me screaming!  He was going nuts yelling SANGRE (Spanish for blood) SANGRE MATT, and pointing at his genital.  I knew this couldn’t be good!  I quickly turned back down the trail and ran as fast as I could towards the screams of pain coming from a small stream.  When I arrived all I could see was Matt’s white butt through the trees.  I had my Delorme satellite device in my hands and was ready to press the emergency evacuation button!  I came up to him, as he was letting out these strange yelps of pain.  I said; show me your injury! He yelled something out in his weird shriek that I did not understand.  He had his genital in the waterfall and seemed to be rinsing it off.  I said again; show me you injury!  I was worried and though he was in shock!  He turned around and there was nothing there but his shriveled up wiener. No SANGRE, no blood - NADA! Right then I finally understood what he was yelling, he was screaming BEAR MACE!!!  We have been carrying bear mace in case we come across a dangerous wildlife.  I later found out that the bear mace that was tied on his backpack fell off and he put it in his pocket.  Like an idiot!  A few minutes later he fell down and the bear mace went off all over his crotch.  Once I realized what happened I broke out into laughter!  I could have never in my wildest dreams imagined this guy or anyone else accidentally spray there genitals with the most powerful pepper spray in the world!  He was crying out and begging me to hit the evac rescue button.  I laughed even harder and asked what he was going to tell them?  That he was an idiot and bear maced his balls!?  There’s no way I was going to let that happen.  I told him to sit down in the river and let the poison dilute itself.  He sat there for about 10 minutes yelping in agony.  He also asked me to give him some Morphine or some of the very strong pain killers we are carrying for an extreme emergency.  I told him No way! These are only for broken bones or other severe injuries!  After an hour of recovery time I told him that it’s going to hurt walking just as much as it does sitting.  I made him grab his gear and we continued on.  The rest of the day I could hear him moan and groan with every step.  He was in much pain from the bear mace accident.  The indigenous all laughed at his expense, but not surprised...  We continued on through rivers and over mountains until we reached a nice place to camp around 17:00.  It is 20:00 now and Matt is still in pain from the earlier incident.  I think I will let him have some Advil so he can sleep it off.

No comments:

Post a Comment