AN IDIOT ABOARD - A tale from AMAZON 5000 expedition

 You know Amazon 5000 expedition is not a picnic, right? we all see Mickey Grosman and his team on pictures they transmits via satellite communication devices that they carry on their backs. We see how all physical challenges appear obvious on their faces, buddies and actions. They are with no doubts facing great forces of nature and do their bests to survive the elements and to prevail! What we can't see in the pictures is how the Amazon 5000 expedition team SURVIVE MICKEY - the expedition leader and the spirit behind it - a tough special forces veteran dude who brings to the journey a great deal of powerful demeanor and disciplinary sets of rules, military style, he expect all to adapt. All! Who are these All?  Five Amazonian indigenous that lived till now only by the rules of the jungle (means; NO RULES), and one young fellow 'merican who volunteered to join Mickey aboard Amazon 5000 expedition all fascinated by the opportunity to go on such adventure on locations others don't dare to go. Did he know what's ahead of him? Probably not. Can he prevail? But he is still there, dragging his feet all along behind the team, most of the time in a zombie stage of mind, but he keeps going and we salute him for that. His motivation to keep going pushes him a day at a time. Every evening he spends time with Mickey who recaps the events of the day, documenting the journey, stories that Mickey highlights and the "Kid" write down, stories that are sent our way via satellite transmission directly from the expedition ground and in real time***.

Trying to help the "Kid" gain focus Mickey has asked him to log his own experience daily in short sentences.

This is what Matt Saxman - the "Kid" has to say in his own words:

July, 7, 2012

"Hi Noga, Mickey has asked me to start a list of things I am learning here and his rules. I just started a few days ago (7/5), so there is much more to come. He wanted me to send you some of what I have so far... I still have much more to learn and will be making the list much larger as we continue".

AN IDIOT ABOARD: 

"The transformation of matt saxman during 5000 miles with mickey grosman"

• 1. I am an Idiot, everything I thought I knew was wrong. Everything I am learning is right.
• 2. All the camera men on the survival shows on T.V. are pansies and get to ride in cars and other easy stuff. This is an expedition with no breaks! Everyone works equally as hard and I must work even harder.
• 3. Everyone can sit in the bar and say how tough they are, this is bullshit! Only the real men go out and do it.
• 4. Open your pace, the bigger the steps you take the faster you move. 
• 5. When you set up a tarp make sure it is tight, and high so there are no leaks.
• 6. Always shake out your boots and clothes before wearing.
• 7. Do not talk too much, or you will be assigned a task to shut you up.
• 8. If you complain about the weight of your backpack more will be added.
• 9. keep everything you can as dry as possible. Especially your tent.
• 10. Do what Mickey says right away, because he will ask something else soon and you will forget the first thing.

• 11. Never ask if you can do something tomorrow or later.
• 12. Download all pictures and video every night.
• 13. When food is scarce it is important to share and be polite. It doesn't count when everything is ok.
• 14. Always put vaseline on your feet in the morning, and iodine at night.
• 15. When it is cold out, wear layers.
• 16. You do not always need to ask permission, it is better to do something until you get told not to.
• 17. Use your sense and dont ask stupid questions!
• 18. Do not use your knife close to your body, especially any of your arteries.
• 19. Don't argue or question any commands.
• 20. Always check the battery and memory card conditions every night. 

• 21.  Do not walk with bear mace in your pocket.
• 22.  Do not say please and thank you to Mickey.
• 23.  Do not trust the indigenous with the candy or sweet crackers.
• 24.  My mom does not know everything!
• 25.  When repelling put the rope around the tree and use both ends so you can retrieve it. 
• 26.  Always treat the water you drink from rivers with iodine.
• 27.  If someone doesn't ask something, there is no reason to tell them.
• 28.  You don't get if you don't ask.
• 29.  Put Vaseline on your knife so it doesn't rust.
• 30.  Look before you grab a tree or vine to see if its spiny.

• 31.  Don’t touch Mickey's stuff unless he tells you to.
• 32.  When Mickey says to clean something, he wants it to look brand new.
• 33.  Just because Mickey asks you to carry something doesn’t mean you can use it.
• 34.  Always boil milk from strange cows.
• 35.  Put leaves on the ground before your bottom tarp, to provide an air cushion and a little more warmth.
• 36.  Always stay hydrated during dehydration drink Hammer gel.
• 37.  Take Hammer electrolytes every morning.
• 38.  Never buy cheap boots for an expedition.
• 39.  Never ask mickey to help you treat a wound, he will do it.  But it will be painful.
• 40.  A little lie that causes high morale is better than a truth that causes a bad situation to get worse.

• 41.  You must have dry tinder to start a fire in the jungle.  A candle is very helpful as well.
• 42.  Never get caught just sitting around, there is always work to be done.
• 43.  Don't think, do what your told when your told.
• 44.  If you fall behind you will be left behind!
• 45.  Don't bullshit Mickey he is not your momma.
• 46.  Always turn off the camera before you put it away in dry bag or you are a piece of idiot!
• 47.  Do not stick up for yourself even if you know you are right.  Mickey is right no matter what! Only agree, back talking makes it worse!  And you will have to write it down here....
• 48.  Do not throw cotton away!  It is useful for fire and many may other things. 
• 49.  Control your hunger, food should not be your first priority!
• 50.  Vaseline is helpful for making fire. 

July, 11, 2012

• 51.  I am here only as long as I do my job, if I become useless I will head home. 
• 52.  If Mickey says tomorrow we have the day off to relax, this means he will sleep in.  You still must be up early to prepare his breakfast, coffe, and go film wild life!  If you ever sleep in when you have a day off you will suffer for it severely for the rest of the day!
• 53.  Be proactive!  If Mickey must tell you to do something it is too late!  You must always be one step ahead to avoid being yelled at!
• 54.  Always check the leaves for ants before you use them for toilet paper!
• 55.  Only Mickey can fart in the tent, if you do you will sleep outside.
• 56.  If Mickey sees you using something he wants he will take it! 
• 57.  Mickey is like a drug dog for baby wipes, there is no hiding them!  If you have them he will find them.
• 58.  If you call Mickey a name he will insult your mother for the rest of the night.
• 59.  Always share your tooth paste or Mickey will give it away.
• 60.  Mickey has good aim, especially with a camera at your face!

• 61.  Do not waste time and money, always make sure your video is perfect.
• 62.  Always triple and double check the camera audio to make sure it is working.
• 63.  In the jungle, the jungle camera lense will fog, monitor it before every shot.
• 64.  Always camp at least 200 ft away from the river!  More if you have recently seen the river flood over twenty feet!  Also more especially if there is recent signs of flooding 10 ft above your head!
• 65.  Sleep with your watch on, your Delorme and your knife in your pocket!  If the river floods and you loose everything you are dead!
• 66.  Always have a knife on you!  Whether you are eating, sleeping, or shitting!  It is the most valuable survival tool!
• 67.  When shit hits the fan do not worry about your gear, electronics, or personal safety!  Keep recording and run after Mickey and the others no matter where they go!
• 68.  When rushing down a rapid river on a jungle built balsa raft at 0600 in the morning, you must be aware of riverside trees!  If you approach one you must lie down and hold on tight or you will be swept off the raft!
• 69.  In an emergency put your boots on first or you will loose them in the flash flood and be stuck wearing pink crocs (Noga's) until you find a replacement.

*** we couldn't bring over to you the expedition stories in real time without the support of the good people at SPS Sarasota, FL http://www.facebook.com/satellitephonestore, who stands STRONG behind Mickey while sponsoring Amazon 5000 - for the Cure with Internet Satellite communication devices and services. Thank you guys!